Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
