Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
