I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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