I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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