i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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