that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
