i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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