i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
