I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
