he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
