dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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