I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize