Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
