OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
