Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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