my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I supernannyed him into submission
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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