There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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