Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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