i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
