I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
