i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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