Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
