Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
