I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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