didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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