My underwear smells like fireworks.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
