I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
