Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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