So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
