You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
