I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
