For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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