Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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