yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
