Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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