Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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