drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
