I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
