I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
