Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
