I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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