first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
