normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
