He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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