he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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