Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
