He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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