Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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