I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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