Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
