I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
