I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
