you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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