My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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