you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
