Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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