i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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