everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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