I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
