so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
