Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
