They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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