Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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