i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
