So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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