everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
