i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
