She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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