I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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