Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
