Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
