My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
