the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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