Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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