sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
