So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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